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Oh, Brothers
Jan. 9th, 2010 12:35 amThis probably won't make much sense to anyone but those concerned (i.e. myself and my brothers) but I want to post this just so I don't forget about it, because I just split my sides laughing.
There's been this running joke for years about my feet being perfectly round. It originated (I think?) when we were watching Fushigi Yuugi together -- so that would be about 10 years ago! -- and my brothers thought the close-up of Chiriko's foot with his seishi symbol was hilarious, and somehow this led to them accusing me of having spherical feet. Anytime is a good time to bring this up, so now that we're in the initial stages of planning our annual family trip, the following exchange appeared in my inbox:
B2 writes:
Pending receipt of your answer to this inquiry, please be advised that effective January 1st, 2010, all passengers boarding international flights with feet deemed "roughly circular," as per the guidelines set out in the International Foot Roundness Screening Protocol (IFRSP) subsection 4(i through iv) are required to pay a minimum accommodation fee of US$260 and up to US$475 for feet deemed "perfectly circular" as per the guidelines set out in the IFRSP subsection 6(i through vii). Refusal to consent to these fees can result in penalties including detention for no more than 21 days pending criminal prosecution under the International Air Traffic Security Act, INTERPOL, Section 16, subsection 4(b), schedule A. I mention this knowing that M-A will be travelling with us and wish to avoid any possible delays in our travel plans.
B1 replies:
Good call on the regulations. And just to clarify, you misread the sections and the penalties for perfectly circular (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Circle) feet include, but are not limited to, incarceration for a minimum duration of 6 years and extensive sanding of the feet in question so as to remove all circular and ovaloid qualities. Specifications reagarding the duration of the sanding process, as well as the techniques and materials employed in its execution, can be found in the International Foot Derounding Protocol (Chapters III through LII). Failure to obtain any angled sections in the foot will not be held against the sanders and can result in accusations of high treason and is punishable by death.
B2 again:
Thank you for the clarification. I would also like cite the final judgment in the first case tried under this new legislature, James K. Henderson v. The Republic of Korea, International Court of Justice, 2010:
"[...] the court cannot uphold imprisonment and physical restraint as reasonable grounds for refusal to comply with the regulations of the International Foot Derounding Protocol [...] as prior knowledge of the perfectly round feet [...] and the regulations and affects of the Protocol having been made public several months prior to its effective date [...] demonstrate beyond this Court's doubt that the accused did knowingly and recklessly persist in boarding, occupying and using the facilities of overseas-bound aircraft after having had ample time to comply with the regulations of the Protocol and take subsequent actions to ensure that its standards were met prior to boarding any aircraft. [...] By the power vested in it by the International Court of Justice Legislature, this court finds the defendant guilty on all counts, [...] and sentences him to be placed in a container of sufficient volume in which for him to be completely submerged in a quantity of vegetable oil at least twenty-seven (27) times greater than the volume of his person, and confined to this container in the presence of a quantity of vegetable oil equivalent to that of the adorementioned, until breathing has been sufficiently restricted so as to cause cessation of life."
According to this precedent, detention is not grounds for defence so M-A you'd better make sure your feet meet the requirements of the IFRSP before we leave.
XDDD
Also, when we were having Christmas over Skype, the conversation turned to clothes and after they hated on many a trend (B2 thinks the creator of Crocs should burn in hell for all eternity), they enlisted my help in designing the ultimate pair of overalls: satin silk, pinstriped and skin-tight. A revolution in business attire.
XDDD
There's been this running joke for years about my feet being perfectly round. It originated (I think?) when we were watching Fushigi Yuugi together -- so that would be about 10 years ago! -- and my brothers thought the close-up of Chiriko's foot with his seishi symbol was hilarious, and somehow this led to them accusing me of having spherical feet. Anytime is a good time to bring this up, so now that we're in the initial stages of planning our annual family trip, the following exchange appeared in my inbox:
B2 writes:
Pending receipt of your answer to this inquiry, please be advised that effective January 1st, 2010, all passengers boarding international flights with feet deemed "roughly circular," as per the guidelines set out in the International Foot Roundness Screening Protocol (IFRSP) subsection 4(i through iv) are required to pay a minimum accommodation fee of US$260 and up to US$475 for feet deemed "perfectly circular" as per the guidelines set out in the IFRSP subsection 6(i through vii). Refusal to consent to these fees can result in penalties including detention for no more than 21 days pending criminal prosecution under the International Air Traffic Security Act, INTERPOL, Section 16, subsection 4(b), schedule A. I mention this knowing that M-A will be travelling with us and wish to avoid any possible delays in our travel plans.
B1 replies:
Good call on the regulations. And just to clarify, you misread the sections and the penalties for perfectly circular (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Circle) feet include, but are not limited to, incarceration for a minimum duration of 6 years and extensive sanding of the feet in question so as to remove all circular and ovaloid qualities. Specifications reagarding the duration of the sanding process, as well as the techniques and materials employed in its execution, can be found in the International Foot Derounding Protocol (Chapters III through LII). Failure to obtain any angled sections in the foot will not be held against the sanders and can result in accusations of high treason and is punishable by death.
B2 again:
Thank you for the clarification. I would also like cite the final judgment in the first case tried under this new legislature, James K. Henderson v. The Republic of Korea, International Court of Justice, 2010:
"[...] the court cannot uphold imprisonment and physical restraint as reasonable grounds for refusal to comply with the regulations of the International Foot Derounding Protocol [...] as prior knowledge of the perfectly round feet [...] and the regulations and affects of the Protocol having been made public several months prior to its effective date [...] demonstrate beyond this Court's doubt that the accused did knowingly and recklessly persist in boarding, occupying and using the facilities of overseas-bound aircraft after having had ample time to comply with the regulations of the Protocol and take subsequent actions to ensure that its standards were met prior to boarding any aircraft. [...] By the power vested in it by the International Court of Justice Legislature, this court finds the defendant guilty on all counts, [...] and sentences him to be placed in a container of sufficient volume in which for him to be completely submerged in a quantity of vegetable oil at least twenty-seven (27) times greater than the volume of his person, and confined to this container in the presence of a quantity of vegetable oil equivalent to that of the adorementioned, until breathing has been sufficiently restricted so as to cause cessation of life."
According to this precedent, detention is not grounds for defence so M-A you'd better make sure your feet meet the requirements of the IFRSP before we leave.
XDDD
Also, when we were having Christmas over Skype, the conversation turned to clothes and after they hated on many a trend (B2 thinks the creator of Crocs should burn in hell for all eternity), they enlisted my help in designing the ultimate pair of overalls: satin silk, pinstriped and skin-tight. A revolution in business attire.
XDDD
