Dragons of Lousy Animation
Sep. 23rd, 2008 11:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
blodeueddSo, at least a few of you are familiar with the DragonLance books, right? ... Right?!
Before you click on the cut to read my Review In Pictures,
True facts:
1) My love for the DragonLance Chronicles and Legends trilogies, it burns. With an unreasonable, yet fiery passion, that's faded to a pleasant glow over the years, but will never go out. I was a total fangirl before I knew what a fangirl was, before the internet existed (back in 1993 :D). But as much as I love it, I can't claim that the series is anything more than a collection of every D&D setting, plot and character archetype/cliché ever put to paper.
2) Because I had moved on to other things (that is, anime) by the time the internet came into my life, I never went looking for DragonLance fanfiction. Which is probably for the best, because I would surely have been traumatised by the amount of Caramon/Raistlin twinsest fiction there must exist (and if you know about it, PLEASE DON'T TELL ME!). Consequently, I viewed this movie through a Strictly Canonical Lens.
3) I've read Dragons of Autumn Twilight at least 10 times, not counting revisiting various scenes and chapters. Most recently, I re-read Chronicles two years ago.
4) Tasslehoff Burrfoot is one of my favourite characters ever.
5) Raistlin sucks! Er, I mean, he's all yours, M-P! :DDD But at least he's more interesting than Woe-Is-Me-I'm-So-Tortured Tanis.
6) This movie is an hour and a half long, but it took me over two hours to watch it, both because I was laughing so hard and because I kept pausing it to take screencaps.
7) The animators definitely had a vision, and it can be summed up in a single word: BOOBS! :D.
8) This movie is the biggest bait-and-switch ever, as I discovered at the very end of it.
9) As bad as this movie is, I think I kind of love it. I can has sequel?
10) M-P: WE NEED TO WATCH THIS TOGETHER!!!
Now that that's been established, onto the (breast) meat of this post.
The movie opens with what will be a recurring theme: Tika's ample bosom!
Tika: Is it not glorious? Here, check out the side view!
Tika: Give up the meaningfully staring into the fire bit. You're not Gandalf.
Fizban: But I wanted to be the Wizard of Exposition!
In the beginning, the gods created the world...
Damn, Reorx is ripped! But shouldn't he be holding a hammer, and not an axe? */nitpick*
They bestowed many gifts...
Woman picking pumpkin: Dude, don't look now, but there's this huge naked goddess looming behind you.
Guy holding pumpkin: Again?! She probably wants to give us the gift of monarchy or hygiene or taxation or something.
With the power of their faith, true clerics performed miracles...
Cleric: Bask in the healing warmth of my breasts!
Now that A Brief History of Krynn has been dealt with, back to the inn.
I thought Tika was supposed to be pretty. Here, she looks rather... bovine.
Behold, the Queen of Darkness!
Or at least, the Queen of Badly Integrated CG.
And now, some Boobs That Were Not In The Book:
Verminaard: Onyx! Locate the blue crystal staff!
Onyx: I'm a dragon! Why am I standing around in human form, wearing a bikini?
Verminaard: Boobs!
Meet the gooey, emo core of the story, Tanis Half-Elven:
Tanis: I is tragic, tortured soul. My haunted gaze, let me show you it.
From its humble beginnings as an obscure Middle-Earthian sport, Dwarf-Tossing has now been added to the Krynn Olympics.
Suddenly, our heroes are under attack!
That's goblin spit, and I feel really dirty for thinking that itmight kinda really looks like something else. *hides*
The real hero shows up!
Tasslehoff Burrfoot, kicking ass and taking names. And daggers.
I am SO GLAD that the Awesomeness That Is Tas was kept intact.
Having defeated their foes, the three friends head to the Prancing Pony Inn of the Last Home, to fulfull their oath of five years previous.
OT3! OT3! XD
*slaps self*
orz
And now, a moment to establish characterization:
Raistlin: *cough* *wheeze* *evil glare*
Caramon: NOMNOMNOM
Fizban: *snore* *mumble* Dammit, I can too be just as good as Gandalf!*
Sturm: *noblenoblenoble*
Tanis: *angstangstangst*
* Please note that I love book!Fizban. This is not him.
Flint remarks on how "Little Tika Waylan is all grown up!"
Tanis: Oh, stop drooling, you pervy old dwarf. She's twice as tall as you are, anyway.
Tika swings her assets around some more.
Tika: Some moreboobs beer, boys?
Caramon: DO WANT!
Tika: tee hee
Sturm, Tanis, Flint: I'LL DRINK TO THAT!
Before you click on the cut to read my Review In Pictures,
True facts:
1) My love for the DragonLance Chronicles and Legends trilogies, it burns. With an unreasonable, yet fiery passion, that's faded to a pleasant glow over the years, but will never go out. I was a total fangirl before I knew what a fangirl was, before the internet existed (back in 1993 :D). But as much as I love it, I can't claim that the series is anything more than a collection of every D&D setting, plot and character archetype/cliché ever put to paper.
2) Because I had moved on to other things (that is, anime) by the time the internet came into my life, I never went looking for DragonLance fanfiction. Which is probably for the best, because I would surely have been traumatised by the amount of Caramon/Raistlin twinsest fiction there must exist (and if you know about it, PLEASE DON'T TELL ME!). Consequently, I viewed this movie through a Strictly Canonical Lens.
3) I've read Dragons of Autumn Twilight at least 10 times, not counting revisiting various scenes and chapters. Most recently, I re-read Chronicles two years ago.
4) Tasslehoff Burrfoot is one of my favourite characters ever.
5) Raistlin sucks! Er, I mean, he's all yours, M-P! :DDD But at least he's more interesting than Woe-Is-Me-I'm-So-Tortured Tanis.
6) This movie is an hour and a half long, but it took me over two hours to watch it, both because I was laughing so hard and because I kept pausing it to take screencaps.
7) The animators definitely had a vision, and it can be summed up in a single word: BOOBS! :D.
8) This movie is the biggest bait-and-switch ever, as I discovered at the very end of it.
9) As bad as this movie is, I think I kind of love it. I can has sequel?
10) M-P: WE NEED TO WATCH THIS TOGETHER!!!
Now that that's been established, onto the (breast) meat of this post.
The movie opens with what will be a recurring theme: Tika's ample bosom!
Tika: Is it not glorious? Here, check out the side view!
Tika: Give up the meaningfully staring into the fire bit. You're not Gandalf.
Fizban: But I wanted to be the Wizard of Exposition!
Damn, Reorx is ripped! But shouldn't he be holding a hammer, and not an axe? */nitpick*
Woman picking pumpkin: Dude, don't look now, but there's this huge naked goddess looming behind you.
Guy holding pumpkin: Again?! She probably wants to give us the gift of monarchy or hygiene or taxation or something.
Cleric: Bask in the healing warmth of my breasts!
Now that A Brief History of Krynn has been dealt with, back to the inn.
I thought Tika was supposed to be pretty. Here, she looks rather... bovine.
Or at least, the Queen of Badly Integrated CG.
Verminaard: Onyx! Locate the blue crystal staff!
Onyx: I'm a dragon! Why am I standing around in human form, wearing a bikini?
Verminaard: Boobs!
Tanis: I is tragic, tortured soul. My haunted gaze, let me show you it.
From its humble beginnings as an obscure Middle-Earthian sport, Dwarf-Tossing has now been added to the Krynn Olympics.
That's goblin spit, and I feel really dirty for thinking that it
Tasslehoff Burrfoot, kicking ass and taking names. And daggers.
I am SO GLAD that the Awesomeness That Is Tas was kept intact.
OT3! OT3! XD
*slaps self*
orz
Raistlin: *cough* *wheeze* *evil glare*
Caramon: NOMNOMNOM
Fizban: *snore* *mumble* Dammit, I can too be just as good as Gandalf!*
Sturm: *noblenoblenoble*
Tanis: *angstangstangst*
* Please note that I love book!Fizban. This is not him.
Tanis: Oh, stop drooling, you pervy old dwarf. She's twice as tall as you are, anyway.
Tika: Some more
Caramon: DO WANT!
Tika: tee hee
Sturm, Tanis, Flint: I'LL DRINK TO THAT!
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no subject
Date: 2008-09-23 03:11 pm (UTC)And I must've enjoyed the movie somewhat, because I watched it two times, and every now and then get a random urge to watch it again. But SERIOUSLY, was this the best they could do? :P
I wonder why Weiss and Hickman thought about this. :P
no subject
Date: 2008-09-23 03:21 pm (UTC)Truly, Tas was the only 100% good thing about it, and probably the reason I could tolerate the rest and find it amusing, rather than wanting to bash my head against the wall.
As for what Weiss and Hickman thought... Who knows! I just hope they'll do the other books! :D
Actually, I kind of want to watch it again too. @_@ But I think I should give myself time to recover first! We should watch it together, because it's not half so much fun to mock alone. XD
tentacular
Date: 2008-09-30 04:15 pm (UTC)mp
Re: tentacular
Date: 2008-09-30 11:30 pm (UTC)